My Dearest Mr. Daquano,
I am heartfully sorry for imposing that simpleton on you for even a single day. Private Slappy is my cross to bear.
Your assistance in this matter is as admirable as that of Simon of Cyrene, who lifted the Christ and bore the weight of that awful cross on the road to Calvary.
And you will be rewarded just as the Cyrenian was. Not with everlasting life, but with leather whip blows, spit, and vile insults from the House Boys.
I am surprised that news of my injury has reached you with such haste. I was not aware the Pony Express traveled on weekends, but I am happy that it does.
Fear not for my leg, darling, for I have acquired the services of the best surgeon in all of the Confederacy. He has assured me that amputation is a last resort. And if I must lose a single leg in order to hold you again, it is but a paltry price to pay.
Until next we meet, I remain your gimpy soldier of love.
Warmest personal regards,
Sgt, T. Polisher
1st News Division