Positively Neutral

1235486_10201351624165473_1061309330_nIt started as an experiment. A dare of sorts. If you’re my friend on Facebook, you know what I mean. Since January 1, I’ve been Mister Positive, a ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark universe. Alas, the boss has informed me that my incessant uplifting messages are ethically questionable.

It seems that in my fervor to find the brighter side of life’s little disappointments, I have failed to be fair to all other sides of the situation.

Looking back over 9 months of positivity, it is clear I’ve been a bad journalist. As early as January 9 when I posted. Positive update #33: Backed up toilet story! MY LUCKY DAY!!!! 

I thought I was simply psyching myself up to tackle a nasty project. I was forgetting the first rule of journalism, objectivity. What about all the toilets that were not backed up? What about all the other stories that I would not tell that day? Should I really be excited over a turd in someone’s living room? What about all the toilets that flushed properly on that rainy day. Sadly, I took a side, and I apologize to the newsgods.

And again on January 12, I posted: Positive Update #45: Breaking News. STAY INSIDE!!! Bright heavenly orb warms skin and makes eyes water! If you must exit your home, Use Caution! I thought sunshine after 17 days of rain was something positive. I failed to consider all the work boatbuilders and animal wranglers were doing in preparation for the global flood, and gave them short-shrift. It was nearsighted of me, and I apologize.

On February 15, I thought the end of racial acrimony in our city was a thing to celebrate and posted this: PositiveUpdate#225: News irony! Black community rallies against black mayor for firing white police chief . . . named White! I forgot about all the white supremacists that watch the news and ask that they forgive my lack of balance in that post.

325I also apologize for all those happy posts from the capitol during the latest legislative session: PositiveUpdate#507: I get to go back to the capitol again today! So if you see me wearing a goofy smirk, just shoot me. It was careless of me to add to the partisan attitude in the state house by only shedding light on the positive. I hope my negative brothers from the other side of the aisle will accept my sincerest apology and that we can go forward together in complete neutrality.

The summer was no different. On August 14, I posted: PositiveUpdate#952: I’M GOING TO THE CIRCUS!!!! Well, Port Allen City Council, same thing. It was shallow of me to take joy in my good fortune to take in the spectacle of the Port Allen City Council with such frenzy. I rubbed salt in the wound of all those who could not be there for the “witch hunt” and “acquisitions.”

1005338_10201351623685461_152351036_nAnd as recent as September 11, I ran afoul of journalistic objectivity. PositiveUpdate#1057: Record-setting pace by the EBR Metro council! 3 committees appointed in 1 meeting!  It was wrong of me to slight all the bad legislation the council actually passed that evening by only highlighting the good things the council failed to pass.

I know that a single blog post can never atone for the damage I have done to my professional reputation over the past 8+ months. I ask for your indulgence, and the indulgences of the news gods while I begin making amends.

Never again will I post anything positive, or negative for that matter. From now on call me Mr. Neutral.

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